Chapter 2: The Beginning
It was finally time to leave Suriname and move to the Netherlands. I must say in the beginning I sort of felt like I was going on vacation and not perse aware of the fact that I was leaving my home country to pursue a new life and journey.
On the day of my departure friends and family came to say goodbye and to wish me the best. I remember trying to be in the moment as I'd soon be leaving for a new adventure and didn't really know when I'd see them again. Isn’t it strange that when you greet someone, you are not 100% sure if you will see them again? Ofcourse we assume we will…but is never 100% sure; and therefore whenever I say bye to someone I try to look them in the eyes and say my greetings.
After a while, everyone left and it was actually time for me to go to the airport. As you may know, the airport is quite far and it takes around 45minutes by car to reach the airport. As we were driving I was sitting in the back of the car and looking outside of the window and really thinking: What will this new journey bring me?. Grateful for the opportunity, but also sad that I will leave the place I truly call home.
Arriving at the airport, it was quite chaotic, and lines and orders of officials were not being followed…typical Suriname? haha.. I don’t know..
Finally I checked-in, passed security, and arrived in the lounge waiting for my flight to leave. Looking around me, there were all types of people… also people leaving home to pursue an education (and a career) in the Netherlands. I ‘chit - chatted a little bit and it was finally time to leave..
“Welcome onboard, please take your seat as we will depart shortly”
It was a full flight, I was sitting at a window seat and the last passengers were boarding.
“Boarding completed… Close doors and crosscheck”
Suddenly…this rush comes over me…time is going slow, realizing there is no turning back, and the adventure really starts. I really wanted to go on this new adventure…but leaving home..I mean, it's quite hard…
Finally, we were airborne and a very clear view of Suriname could be seen.. Looking outside, seeing it all from above is magical..I’m leaving this beautiful small country behind…my country… where we all live together….But somehow we are divided… my country where we want to grow but are scared to dream big…my country with so much potential..But where opportunities are constantly being taken away…But I will come back……I promise you that my home…..I promise you that I will come back and at least try to make a difference. And as I’m aware that it will be difficult.. I promise you that I will at least try with all my heart….
And as I made this promise to my country and myself… we were reaching the ocean, and it was time to look ahead… I closed my window, slowly, placed my head on the headrest, and closed my eyes..
After some hours… we arrived. “Ladies and Genteleman, We’ve arrived at our destination, Amsterdam The Netherlands
I'd finally arrived and we went to my apartment, where I’d be living. It was quite a hassle getting everything ready. Lots of visits to the Ikea and it took us two whole days to get the apartment ready. I think my apartment is smaller than my room in Suriname, but luckily I had everything to myself. My own kitchen and my own bathroom. I must say super grateful to be able to stay in such a studio, which was around 27m2.
Days flew by..I was getting used to the weather and public transportation, and I must say.. I like the fact that everything is so organized.
Finally, it was time for University to start. As already mentioned, I did a bachelor in Finance and control at the Amsterdam Univeristy of Applied Sciences (HBO). A conscious choice because of the practical experience you gain during these studies. I never regret this choice, even though almost everyone back home is talking about University being the only thing you should do….Basically, saying HBO is less. To be honest.. It never really bothered me… but I know that there are people/parents out there pressuring their children to do only UNI…and I think its just sad…Ofcourse…a certain professions requires are certain (uni) degree.
During my first day at school and first class, we were asked to introduce our self in a sort of speed date setting. So every 2minutes, you switch to the table/person next to you. As I was a bit nervous, I quickly started thinking about what I wanted to say…. ‘From Suriname, 18 years old, …..uhm….Love to play tennis…..’ I mean.. What else do you say during the introductions, haha..
The “speeddating” started and from the beginning, my classmates couldn’t understand me due to my heavy surinamese accent..I must say they were also not quite understandable…A bit awkward; but the fact that I came from Suriname and told them about this journey made an impression.. However, things got really awkward.. Almost at the last table I was sitting in front of this tall guy… big blue eyes…looking straight into my eyes…no words spoken other than ‘I do not understand what your saying’.... I was shocked and really didn’t know what to do… As I went home, I was still thinking about that moment and wondered where I had ended up… hahaha..
But as time flew by.. I was getting more used to things at school and tried to speak as little as possible.. Actually sad….I also remember that in the beginning, during project groups, the other students were always rephrasing my sentences, without notifying me… I was angry, because of their idea that our Dutch in Suriname is not the same as theirs…bullsh*t!! And ofcourse…I dont mind changing my parts, but you should really notify me upfront..
Other than that, I was focused, knew my capabilities, and could participate in classes. Classes went by, semesters were over, and I passed most of the subjects, but also failed some. During the first year, I failed accounting twice (you are given two chances per year) and had to retake them in the second year. Within the first year there is a minimum of ECTS (points) you need to have in order to go to the second year. Luckily, I passed the minimum and could start with my second year. Of course I had to retake those accounting exams, which wasn’t per se a problem. On the other hand…within the second year, all ECTS from the first year should be in, in order to even continue the study. Quite some pressure, I must say, because imagine being unable to finish your studies and all the money spent is just gone..
Even though there was lots of pressure, I was confident I'd pass the exams. I started studying early and tried to understand it in detail.
On the day of the exam…I remember being really nervous as I really wanted and needed to pass the exam. The moment the exam was handed to me, I started working all the questions out. Some of them I knew and the others I wasn’t quite sure about….2 hours in…I started to doubt whether I would pass the exam or not.. Ever took an exam and midway through you were just like……”you know what…. whatever”? .Exactly…that was the case here..But whatever wasn't an option as I needed the ECTS in order to continue my studies.
Long story short….I failed the exam and was left with only one last chance to pass the exam. The horrible part was that the second/last chance was in the summer period, at the end of the school year. If that doesn't give any pressure, I really don't know what does….I had to come up with a plan, because not finishing my studies wasn’t an option…
As a person I really like and try to think in solutions and sort out different scenarios, making sure I’m prepared for every possible outcome…Therefore, I decided to go and talk to the study program manager and explain my situation..
The meeting was scheduled and I was expected in his office by 10am..I arrived there and he literally started with “Ok…tell me what your issue is, because I do not have a lot of time’
Shocked and thinking…What the hell…I started to explain
“I failed the accounting subject trice already….I have one last chance…and if I dont pass it, I need to stop with this program and go back to Suriname. I'm from Suriname and it costs lots of money to be here… So stopping with this program isn't an option… but there is of course a possibility that I do not pass the exam… so what should I do ?”
His answer was simple and direct. “Ok…. rules are rules… there are some exceptions that can be made…but we rarely make use of them…I do understand your situation, might fall under the exceptions, but not sure…just study and do your best this time"
Rude…..Fuck-ing rude…I was thinking about the time I wasted just being in that meeting. On the other hand…my case is sort of on the radar, if I might fail the exam….
With that mindset, I started studying..Long days….Late nights… I really think I read almost every page of that book…once again failing wasn’t an option….as I was not sure if an exception would be made for me…
As the exam was due in a week…I started pulling all-nighters to make sure that I knew everything.
Finally, the day of the exam came…I woke up early to make sure that I was on time. As I entered the school building, my nerves were kicking in…...I handed over my ID and was escorted to my seat….there were a few students in the room and the exam was about to start….
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